Connecting with Calmness
Today was a lot. There’s so much energy swirling, so much chaos and unrest. Every time I tune into the news or social media, I’m confronted with all the grief, anger, upset, and rage of a paradigm crumbling. And then all that fear, mistrust, guilt, shame, confusion, and so much sadness bubbles up within me.
For the last few weeks there have been fireworks going off on my block 24/7. Normally I love fireworks, but the sounds have been ricocheting around my apartment, shaking my bones and my brain. The chaos is infiltrating this space and my body nonstop. It feels like a tangible manifestation of the turmoil of our current state, making it hard to focus, create, or cultivate hope or inner peace even for a moment or two.
Today I woke up right in time for an anti-racism zoom panel. I watched the two hour call in bed, feeling exhausted and like I was underwater slipping in and out of reality. I wanted to be present for the call, feel alert and alive, but for some reason I couldn’t. When it was over, I went right into a one-on-one development call. We talked through some of the deep sensations of fear and resistance inside my body. Naming and discussing things within me that feel so charged and alive like they are growing and hijacking my consciousness was frightening. When the call was over, I felt alone and too drained to do anything. I laid on my bed, feeling like that was it, maybe I should call it a day even though it wasn’t yet 6pm.
About a half hour into feeling so hopeless, I remembered a simple, but effective strategy for how to move through this immobilization. List out three to five steps that can be done right now and then do them immediately! No hesitation, don’t think, just move. Repeat until there’s spaciousness and some feeling of unstuckness. Usually by the time I get to the second task, I feel lifted. Today the list was:
Get UP! Stand up out of bed
Make something to eat
Eat
Text or call a friend
So I got up, SUCCESS! I made some pancakes with bananas and chocolate chips from leftover batter in the fridge. So far so good! I made some coffee and texted a group thread I’m a part of to see if anyone could hold space for me. Within a few minutes I was on the phone with a badass Goddess of truth and wholeness that I met at a Mama Gena retreat in October. We caught up for a few minutes, which felt so nice and reminded me of the magical time we spent on retreat together in Mexico. Then we held sacred space for each other and listened as each one of us took turns letting it all out. I felt so much lift and release, I laughed, I felt divinely connected, a glimmer of hope!
After the call, I checked my email and saw one of my favorite facilitators was offering a zoom breathwork circle tonight. YES! I joined without hesitation. It was exactly what I needed. To connect with others, connect with my breath, let things come and go freely. During the practice I felt calmness spreading throughout my body. With it came clarity, celebrations, and empowerment. It became clear that I’ve been letting my boundaries and my self care lapse lately, allowing myself to slip into overwhelm and out of my window of tolerance.
No way around it, these are turbulent times, which is even more reason to do what I can to help myself feel tended and well nourished. I know these are daily, sometimes hourly practices, but my well-being is worth it. So I’m renewing my commitment to:
Connect to my breath and calmness daily
Stay connected to my friends, family, and communities
Limit my intake of the news and social media (I know if I’m mindful I can stay connected to the news cycle without overwhelming my system)
Stay focused on the internal and external work I am being called to do, and stay nourished and resourced enough to do it to the best of my ability
Cultivate a practice of play and self expression
Allow and invite movement, sounding, and wildness
Allow myself to indulge in simple pleasures like being in the sunshine, going to the park, noticing and appreciating flowers, taking a bath, etc.
